The Dirt on Dirt

dirt on dirt

Our Dust Goblin is an expert on dirt of all types. You might say our Dust Goblin is a connoisseur of crud, a gourmand of garbage, a specialist in slime. One thing we know for sure is Dust Goblin thrives on that special category of dirt known disparagingly as dust, so let's have Dust Goblin take the floor and give you the dirt on dirt.

The World of Dirt

Hi! I'm here to share the good, the bad, and the ugly about dirt with you. I want to start with the basics: let's outline the four major categories of dirt and then we can dig in (get the pun?) and learn the good, bad or ugly about each type of dirt we are examining.

Here are the four basic types of dirt we encounter daily and how they rank on the good-bad-ugly scale:

  • Soil (Good)
  • Grime (Ugly)
  • Filth (Ugly)
  • Dust (Bad)

Now that you know how dirt breaks down by type, let's start with the good.

The Good: Soil

While "soil" can be a dirty word ("Don't soil your new dress!"), soil is good! First, healthy nutritious soil grows our food, or food for the livestock we then consume. Soil is also essential to our existence since it grows the plants and trees that produce the oxygen we breathe.

Most humans love the aroma of rich loamy soil. They find a certain pleasure in a greenhouse, a garden nursery, and long forest trails.

All three of those places boast an abundance of that deep dark earth that brings forth new life; it is in the air and offers a rich and full fragrance that cannot be mistaken.

For me, soil is a bit too clean and healthy for my appetite. So, let's move on to the uglies.

The Ugly: Grime

I have some respect for grime, ugly as it may be. Grime prides itself on standing out from the crowd, whether it is soot on buildings, muddy smudges on clothing, or, my favorite of all, smeared on human flesh or animal fur.

Part of my admiration of this grungy form of dirt is its resilience; it is difficult to remove and, in some instances, leaves an impressive and permanent mark behind after cleaning. Kind of like an artist's signature on canvas!

Adult humans aren't so crazy about grime. They grimace and get all worked up when they encounter grime, but the funny thing is they get most upset when their kids, who seem to not mind grime, get begrimed.

While I hold grime in high regard, it does nothing for my palate, as it tends to cling to the first thing it touches.

Another Ugly: Filth

Filth also earns some deference in my book, due to its extremeness. It carries some impressive nicknames, like slime, muck, ooze, sludge, and mire.

More impressively, humans are often creators of filth. Those who let garbage pile up, do not clean out the cat's litter box, and generally accumulate junk inside and outside their house are purveyors of filth.

While humans may be responsible for much of the filth surrounding us, humans are equally disgusted by filth, especially if it's their neighbor's filth. In this sense, filth seems to have super powers, as it is invisible to its makers yet clearly apparent to everyone else.

While filth comes closer to my culinary inclinations, mainly because dust typically floats on or near filth, let me now introduce you to my personal favorite: dust!

The Bad: Dust

Finally, you get to meet dust. Dust is impressive in so many ways: it comes from all variants of dirt, including pollution, weather phenomena (dust storms, for one, come to mind), and even volcanic eruptions. It can become microscopic in size and even in its largest form, it is composed of very fine particles of matter. It thrives in large groups and can accumulate very quickly.

Of all forms of dirt, dust seems to wreak the most havoc with humans. Some of them can't breathe very well around dust, and others find themselves with allergies that the dust happily carries along.

But I LOVE dust. Heck, I am named after it! Most importantly, I am engineered to have an insatiable appetite when it comes to scooping up the dust.

I just cannot get enough, and I certainly can take on ten times as much dust as my inferior competitors, who have never learned to indulge in their gluttonous desires towards dust.

Then again, when I'm around, my competitors don't get much chance at getting their share. That's how good I am at gobbling dust.

Finally, dust makes me wax poetic:

I must

have dust!

By the way, I am up for adoption, but only to homes full of dust. And when I am done, it will be me full of dust instead of your home!